CLEAN UP YOUR THOUGHTS and SAY THE RIGHT WORDS

CLEAN UP YOUR THOUGHTS and SAY THE RIGHT WORDS
by: frankred28
As i am sobbing and soaked in tears and regrets (of words i have spoken)

The scariest thing in this world are not monsters,
not insanity, or evils.
The scariest thing in this world is LOVE.
It is when you should know to do it right
react on the right feeling,
control the emotions that are not necessary
and most importantly, say the right words,

I am not perfect and i am not the best of the best when it comes to this thing
and i don’t even consider myself an average when it comes to giving love.

I am just an ordinary person who knows what it is to care
to show affection, to shout to the world what my heart tells me
and be proud of the person i am willing to give my life to..

Sometimes, rocks fall down from a bright sunshine
Smiles turn into frowning and tears start to dry on the corner of our eyes
and we learned that dying is not the scariest thing in this world, and see living as even more.

It is not that scary, if we think twice.... clean up our thoughts and say the right words.

I was regretful, i was deeply feeling the pain,
I will learn from the experience of so much pain!
I will be better from then on...
These pains are not just ordinary pains,
feeling them because of thinking i am being ignored
feels like a thousand lacerating wounds on my chest
and a bomb to explode underneath...
I dont know what is the effect of this emotionally
all i know is am gathering up the pieces of my heart...
put it all back.. and make it ready to love you again,
that much.

Sobbing and soaking,
ako TT

SUNSET: PART II

By Franklin Aspero (1987-2011)

This writing is intentionally made for my brother Fritz. I request you to read this on my wake. Be strong Fritz, i know you will do this well...and...Thanks a lot bro.
I wanted to say these few words:
I have been dreaming of beautiful stories to write and share to people and now, I found the perfect story to whisper into your hearts..my own lifestory . It would be too long for me to make that story and share to you... how i spent my 23year of waking up on sweet sunrises and resting after melodic sunsets. I wish i have made you smile in the best ways i know and i can.
Right now, all have bunch of questions and the very first time you have heard about my ‘goodbye”. I think that i have done my share in this journey and it’s really time to offer my last smiles with all of you.

I am grateful that i have a wonderful family always at my back.
First and foremost i would like to extend my ENDLESS love for my MOTHER “Mama Lenny” and my Father “Papa Tibot”. I have tried to be as good as i can be as your son. Hope that someday...you will understand why this thing has happened . To my Mom, when we see each other in heaven someday, I’d like to hear that you’re taking your medications religiously and on time. That way i will also be happy. To my pop, i will be with you every step of the way... I have been blessed by God to have a responsible, caring and most of all “wonderful” father like you pa. I will never forget the jokes, your awkward moments and the way you wiggle your hips dancing just in front or beside the television. Lots of good memories have been buried deep into my soul with you. (Mama) ma, i had all my life spent beside you and you know as much as i do how i treasure the away-bati moments and the cuddling times. I just can’t explain in words how thankful, grateful,and satisfied I am with how you have been as a mother to me. I love you more than anything else in this world. I am not just so appreciative with what you do sometimes but deep in me, i dreamt that someday, i will be able to give it all back.

(To Mama and Papa) Those beautiful things the two of you did for this family are the memorabilia that i will bring until the end of time...Mom, Your guidance, love, care, concern and sincerity were the best pieces to bring with ..in my new journey.

To my brothers.. bebe frits whom i know has the capacity to conquer every wavy road of life and my eldest brother “toto ian” thank you for a wonderful time.. If i will be given the chance to live again i would patiently walk ,without a compass, on hard and rough roads just to locate you guys and be your brother again. I am more than happy and contented that i have shared my short life with the two of you. I will always be at your side.(Bebe, Toto) please take good care of PAPA and MAMA. (Toto Ian) To’ i just wish that you can be captain America to take good care of bebe fritz.(Bebe Pirot) Be, you also have your share in taking care of the family. Please make life easy with toto ian and as much as possible, please give extra time spending with him and quality moments together. I will also be happy if you you two will be telling me about the laughters and tears of joy you had with the family and soon with your better halfs and your own family. Someday too, To, tani ma share mo sa akon of how life has made you more a beautiful person... you are the treasure of the family. I respect, care and love you ceaselessly.

I believe i am through with what i can offer in this side of life. “Life must go on”.
I perfectly understand that this is hard but i have known that this is my finish line. Do not worry a lot, GOD MAKE BETTER PLANS EACH DAY and EACH PLAN IS BIGGER AND BETTER.

I remember few words of Father Boboy in Sto. Nino sharing about the family’s loss of their loved ones. He asked the relative what she feels losing a family member... The woman answered: “Palangga ko guid siya pero bal-an ko nga mas palangga xa ni God, amo na ang rason ngaa aga pa siya napatay”.
Mama, papa, toto, bebe, Nanay Poy, mommy Emmie, Neneng, Petpet, tomtom, Tita Gin, Tita dynah and tita gina G. Tatay Dapao, tita weng, tito jomen, tito noning, tita jing,tito totong, tita rods,.. sa side ni papa.. tita punay, tito naldo, bebeng, lynlyn, angel, kim, tita dede, tito joel,totong, jayR, lotlot, letlet and my princess. tita puray, nanay inday, neneng dalen, , manoy bobet, kag nang anne ,tita shubay and john john, Ate jiji and che , ate nenen, si botchokoy(bots) mama moni, papa elnotita analyn, joyjoy, maymay, chin2, Mamabing , toto ninyo, manong dondon. .. i will be resting from the hardships of life. I just feel so bad knowing that i am coming to an end..And it is very selfish to get away from lots of responsibilities i cannot fulfill in the near future. Its so easy to say that i cant fulfill it but it will be the hardest struggle i will have.

To the people who made my life colourful...my dearest friends. . it was a short yet rewarding friendship i had with you. and to everyone else..thank you very much. To my highschool superBUDDIES Tintin, Bombom, King, Diane,Nene Kim, Elsie, Rena, Mikel, Ben, the two Roberts of the classroom, Ronin..God Bless to your Mom, Irene, Vina G., Krisnel the songbird, my great teachers and pals. Thank you very much for the untold yet priceless times with you.

To Servien Christi Mariae, its a bliss spending the last six years of my life with you guys. To my apat-dapat chums(jenniken,beb kaye and Gil).. to the Marxans, (Marxan Riza, MArxan Tizz, Marxan Kathleen, Marxan Pao) To Yanyan, Gary, Michieru.. to my Section BSN 1-A... and Section BSN 2-D. Tambay buddies, textmates, ym blabbers, bloggers and twitters,
To my BFF Bea G. Nga gwapa.. to jopay, ng she, nong agu, nong franz, jin, and everyone in the MAMA ward.
To My SHU Family, Maam Ramona, Frechee, Franzyy, Makiee, Bep2, ng Xhoesef, Simcard, nong Nico, Nong Polo, Nong John, Nang joana, Ng flourence, Ng Jane, Ferlay, Jerol, Joena,Bless,Mark, Bryan, to my dearest nursing aides ng, Leonor, ng Ellen, ng Judith ng beth, etc etc and to all my manangs, manongs and colleagues in st paul’s hospital. Thank You for every little thing you have shared and for your care and time. Those were precious memoirs.
This is not the end of my journey.. I know that afterlife would be an incomparable and unexplainable state. I am hopeful that i will see the light. This will be a long walk and i am praying for a faceless companion by my side, Him.

Wishes:
I wish I’ll turn into dust in a snap.
I wish everything would be WHITE.
I wish someday, everyone understands.
I wish someday, i will all see you smiling with accomplished missions in life.
I wish that my heartfelt thanks reach the bottom of your hearts.

east to west

has been great with you all.

Here I am, Lord, and I'm drowning in your sea of forgetfulnessThe chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight
I know You've cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before You now as though I've never sinned
But today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west
'cause I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

I know You've washed me white, turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through, to get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel, but by the truth Your word reveals
I'm not holding on to You, but You're holding on to me
You're holding on to me

Jesus, You know just how far the east is from the west
I don't have to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
One scarred hand to the other
From one scarred hand to the other

Emerald is my Greatest

I have never been into the west and so here i am dreaming that someday i will be making footsteps on the soft sides of the Irish's beautiful hills. If i am to be born as another person, i dont say that i am not happy being what i am right now, i would gladly be born on this side of the world. In the Emerald Isle, Ireland.

Ever since i had my first thought of life, i have hoped that i can walk under the shadows of the leaves of trees of where my heart belongs to...and i thought that the horizon and the brackish captures has something to do with what i am and what i will be. Now i have spent 23 long earth-lives and counting the days till the inevitable comes. I hope someday i will make it and i can make good memories on that side of the earth... tangible or not...and hopefully my next lifetime.


I have lived long enough and i have learned to get away from the reality that i can’t be there because I’m here...here where everyone has the role to portray in maintaining peace and promoting love...to fight against the madness and cry of the world... and where justice is always partial... i have been slowly enjoying the reals.

Now I’m here, dreaming again of being there... of the kind of life i had if i was in there, of the souls ive met walking and the friendships i have made with whoever should it happen. This is totally kinda funny and totally out of tune to be talking like this, but this is i think is the best thought i ever had. I play my role being frank in this side and yet i am dreaming to be a grateful lad on the emeralds...

Sharing it with all of you.

The melody of dreamland, where there is infinite succession of the waves
The cliffs and shapes, where the rockbound has witnessed the travellers have revered
The appearance of the blue sky, reflects the soul of the living.
And friendship is allover.
-frank

this song... is the perfect song of my past?mypresent?mynext? lifetime...(i dont know).



Come by the hills to the land where fancy is free
And stand where the peaks meet the sky and the loughs meet the sea
Where the rivers run clear and the bracken is gold in the sun
And the cares of tomorrow can wait till this day is done

Come by the hills to the land where life is a song
And stand where the birds fill the air with their joy all day long
Where the trees sway in time and even the wind sings in tune
And the cares of tomorrow can wait till this day is done
Come by the hills to the land where legend remains
The stories of old fill our hearts and may yet come again
Where the past has been lost and the future is still to be won
And the cares of tomorrow can wait till this day is done.

And the cares of tomorrow can wait till this day is done.

Come by the Hills
by: Celtic Thunder

I am yours

SUNSET ~PART1~

Writing before the writing:

Words would not be enough to draw the moments of love and the pictures of gladness. With a few, i will try make you realize the "Good Soul" I've become being your Son, your friend, your classmate, your mentor, your co-nurse.

Thank You.

I wanted to do more and make the living for all of you fine... but He is calling me already. It is so hard for me to be following His footsteps and leave you in a sudden while the big responsibility i allotted for myself is hanging. No one knows the purpose of life until such moment would come that will remind us that were through.

Living on earth would only matter if our actions of goodness and love overlaps the reality of aches of the world.

I cant seem to express how it feels to be finally reaching my final destination. If i am to write the good times of my life, considering how lucky i am to be on the hands of the kind of family i had, priceless friendships and humble-untold stories, thousand-pages book would not be enough. Thank You Mama, Thank You Papa.Thank You Toto Ian and Thank You bebe Frits, Thank You Friends.. For everything i had and for the goodness of my soul.

i have been raised to be a good person i am to this very moment and i will be until my last breath. Most wont really accept the truth that sometimes, good stories come to an end. The life i had was so short and yet i have conquered the missions He alone know. It wouldn't matter how our life-story ends up, the most valuable thing is how we managed to provide for what we think needs to fill in the gap.

I think this is the most beautiful song I've ever heard in my lifetime.

Who am I?

by: Casting Crown

Who am i?

That the Lord of all the earth,

Would care to know my name,

Would care to feel my hurt.

Who am I?

That the bright and morning star,

Would choose to light the way, For my ever wondering heart.

Not because of who I am. But because of what you've done.

Not because of what I've done. But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow.

A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I'm calling,

Lord you catch me when I'm falling,

And you told me who I am. I am yours.

I am yours.

Who am I?

That the eyes that see our sin , Would look on me with love

And watch me rise again

Who am I?

That the voice that calmed the sea, Would call out through the rain,

And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am. But because what of youve done.

Not because of what I've done. But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow.

A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling,

And you told me who I am. I am yours.

Not because of who I am. But because of what you've done.

Not because of what I've done. But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow.

A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling,

You told me who I am.

I am yours. I am yours. I am yours.

Whom shall I fear? Whom shall I fear?

'Cuz I am yours. I am yours...

I am Yours,

Nurse Frank

IT’S A ROLLER COASTER RIDE. (love and career preview)

I have been busy a lot these past few months. Days became nights and vice versa. Night shift duty hours have compromised my friendly eyes and been spending too much just to make myself comfortable and breathing.

It’s no joke to spend more than 12 hours in a hospital .When I go home after 9pm, the favourite Teleseryes were aired and everyone else’s asleep. I have no one to share the dining table with and just be contented talking to my spoon and fork as i enjoy the cold food prepared for me. Also, night shift 12-hour duty has crippled my titbits. The days of good sleep, spontaneous chit-chats and cuddling with my brothers has long been felt. I have been messing a lot and been missing lots of times. The quality moments with my family has been slowly ignored as I attend to my duty and nurture my career. It is surely a huge sacrifice to give your time for others yet you haven’t proven anything to your family in giving them your learning, your expertise in health, heartfelt service and even monetary measures.

The days travelled so fast...as fast as its killing me.

Groups would usually say that i am into other side of the world a lot... in having a business life. It is a fact! I have been giving my time for business and for improving my people skills. They just don’t know the reason why i am too busy doing things out of my profession. The confusion of career satisfaction and emotionally unstable stage are crushing me to the bones.

CONFUSION OF CAREER SATISFACTION

I can do my work well and proud to say that i do better as days unfold. I am a real nurse when I’m in the hospital and i am not just someone who goes in goes out the duty without any concern of help to improve the value of care the clients deserve. They ought to have quality service out of their choice of healthcare provider and trust on the system. Being a nurse is like riding a roller coaster. The folks make you wounded and the patients’ Thank Yous heal the scars. Lucky enough if you have received it twice a day, but then most of it comes in “Tupperware” value.

DONT MAKE ME CRY...*RY

HUuurrrrgghhh! You’re giving me heartaches bea! I have ponder before to stop myself from having a relationship yet you have come to show me, i think the Right person to be with. The only problem now is that, if he wants me too. I am crushed by my f**kin hectic schedule and stressed with how night shift duty hours make my ugly. I just want to look good and be appreciated. Now, I cant sleep and i am thinking deeply of what things i have to do to get out of this trap. I am hopeful that he would give me a chance in proving myself that i am worthy as a partner and i am also afraid to be rejected. I think that i have to pursue this...i will be your future.

SHE SLEEPS WITH HER FRIEND’S XMAS TEDDY

Should have been posted: December 2010

Eleven fifty-nine, a minute more and it will be midnight. I was still on the dining area and was looking for something to eat on the kitchen. I came across the open room of our new family member “Petpet”. Her real name’s Gerlyn and she’s a distant relative in our province. She’s living with us now for about 4 years. She can be called a helper but heartedly accepted as a family member. My parents treat no one like that, my father even call Petpet as “anak”. It reflects his personality, full of humility and big open arms for the needy.

She was asleep with a teddy bear on her slightly curled arms while her back is half flatted on the bed mattress, with closed eyes and while silently breathing, she reflects a tired one after a long day. The ‘teddy” is a gift from her college buddy, a Christmas gift that somehow made her heart a little bit more warmer. It reminded me of the sacrifices that the girl on bed had exchanged for her future. Comforting herself with a gift... somehow, I understand that it represents the people she has been longing to be with, her family. Not to her attention, but it really makes sense to think it that way. She had chosen to be with us and helped my mom doing the household chores. What about her “nanay”? Isn’t she also needs assistance at home? I am thankful that she came in and helped us with things, lots of things...big things!

How about this? How will you feel if you’re e away from your loved ones and spending time with people you need to deal, understand, get to know and share the same roof with? It is and might be so difficult for her to handle the problems.

My father is so good that he decided to send Petpet to school. Pet went to college and became an HRS graduate. Until now, she’s with us and waiting for the right time to grab an opportunity to work abroad. She is determined to help her family someday. I just hope that her dreams do come true and I promise to myself that I won’t say no for a genuine person like her for a help.

~fin~